長篇英語搞笑故事大全

⑴ 英語幽默故事

Peter
dozed
off
while
his
teacher
was
talking.
老師正在講課，彼得打起瞌睡來了。
Teacher:
Peter！Tell
us,
what's
the
biggest
in
the
world?
老師：彼得！你說說，世界上什麼最大？
Peter:
Well,
well....eyelids....
彼得:
嗯……嗯……眼皮……
Teacher:
What？Eyelids？
老師：什麼？眼皮？
Peter:
Yes,
sir.
Because
as
soon
as
I
shut
my
eyes,
the
eyelids
cover
everything
of
the
world.
彼得：是的，老師。因為我眼睛一閉，眼皮就把世界上所有的東西都遮住了
Late
one
night
at
the
insane
asylum
(瘋人院）one
inmate
shouted,
"I
am
Napoleon!"
Another
one
said,
"How
do
you
know?"
The
first
inmate
said,
"God
told
me!"
Just
then,
a
voice
from
another
room
shouted,
"I
did
not!"
瘋人院
一天晚上，在瘋人院里，一個病人說："我是拿破崙！"另一個說："你怎麼知道？"第一個人說："上帝對我說的！"一會兒，一個聲音從另一個房間傳來："我沒說！"

⑵ 長篇的比較搞笑的英語故事和翻譯

Pitcher, 2)confidential clerk in the office of Harvey Maxwell, broker, allowed a
look of mild interest and surprise to visit his usually expressionless
3)countenance when his employer 4)briskly entered at half past nine in company
with his young lady5)stenographer. With a 6)snappy 「Good-morning, Pitcher,」
Maxwell dashed at his desk as though he were intending to leap over it, and then
plunged into the great heap of letters and telegrams waiting there for
him.
九點半時,股票經紀人哈維·麥克斯韋爾在年輕女速記員的陪同下精神抖擻地走進辦公室。他事務所里的機要秘書皮徹那通常毫無表情的臉上不禁露出一絲好奇和詫異。麥克斯韋爾精力充沛地喊了聲「早啊,皮徹」,就朝他的辦公桌沖去,彷彿要跳過它似的。接著,他就一頭扎進一大堆等著他處理的信件和電報里。

The
young lady had been Maxwell』s stenographer for a year. She was beautiful in a
way that was 7)decidedly unstenographic. She 8)forwent the 9)pomp of the
alluring 10)pompadour. She wore no chains, bracelets or 11)lockets. She had not
the air of being about to accept an invitation to luncheon. Her dress was grey
and plain, but it fitted her figure with 12)fidelity and discretion. In her neat
black 13)turban hat was the gold-green wing of a 14)macaw. On this morning she
was softly and shyly radiant. Her eyes were dreamily bright, her cheeks genuine
15)peachblow, her expression a happy one, 16)tinged with
reminiscence.
那位年輕姑娘給麥克斯韋爾當速記員已經有一年了。她的美絕非速記員草草幾筆所能簡單描述。她不梳那種華麗誘人的龐帕杜高卷式發型,也不戴項鏈、手鐲或盒式小墜子。她臉上沒有那種受邀准備參加午宴的神氣。她的灰色裙子素凈,但相當合身,顯身材又不失大方莊重。她那頂簡潔的黑色無邊帽上插了根金綠色的金剛鸚鵡毛。這個上午,她身上煥發出一種溫柔而羞怯的光彩,雙眼流波閃爍,臉頰直泛桃紅,臉上帶著幸福的神色和絲絲懷想。

Pitcher, still mildly curious, noticed a difference in her ways this
morning. Instead of going straight into the adjoining room, where her desk was,
she lingered, slightly irresolute, in the outer office. Once she moved over by
Maxwell』s desk, near enough for him to be aware of her presence.

皮徹仍舊有點好奇,他注意到她這個上午的舉止有些異樣。她不像往常那樣徑直走進麥克斯韋爾辦公室隔壁那房間(她辦公桌在那兒),而是在辦公室外間略帶遲疑地徘徊。她還一度走近麥克斯韋爾的辦公桌,近得足以讓他意識到她的存在。

The machine sitting at that desk was no longer a man; it was a busy New
York broker, moved by buzzing wheels and 17)uncoiling
springs.
坐在辦公桌前的不再是個常人,簡直成了台機器。那是忙碌的紐約股票經紀人,一台上滿發條運作起來齒輪吱吱響的機器。

「Well—what is it? Anything?」 asked Maxwell sharply. His opened mail
lay like a bank of stage snow on his crowded desk. His keen grey eye, impersonal
and 18)brusque, flashed upon her half impatiently.
「Nothing,」 answered the
stenographer, moving away with a little smile.
「Mr. Pitcher,」 she said to
the confidential clerk, 「did Mr. Maxwell say anything yesterday about engaging
another stenographer?」
「He did,」 answered Pitcher. 「He told me to get
another one. I notified the agency yesterday afternoon to send over a few
samples this morning. It』s 9:45 o』clock, and not a single 19)picture hat or
piece of pineapple chewing gum has showed up yet.」

「噢——怎麼?有事嗎?」麥克斯韋爾徑直問道。他那些拆開了的信件躺在那張堆滿東西的辦公桌上,好像舞台上的一層人造雪。他那雙銳利的灰色眼睛半帶厭煩地掃了她一眼,顯得不近人情且粗暴無禮。

「沒什麼,」速記員回答說,然後笑了笑走開了。
「皮徹先生,」 她對機要秘書說,「麥克斯韋爾先生昨天有沒提過另外雇一名速記員的事?」

「提過。」皮徹答道,「他吩咐我另外找一個。昨天下午,我已通知速記員介紹所,讓他們今天上午介紹幾個來面試。現在已經九點四十五了,還沒見著哪個戴闊邊帽的或嚼菠蘿口香糖的人呢。」

「I will do the work as usual, then,」 said the young lady, 「until
someone comes to fill the place.」 And she went to her desk at once and hung the
black turban hat with the gold-green macaw wing in its accustomed
place.
「那我還是照常工作好啦,」 那年輕女子說道,「直到有人來頂替我這工作。」
她立刻走到自己的辦公桌前,把那頂插著金綠色金剛鸚鵡毛的黑色無邊帽掛在老地方。

And this day was Harvey
Maxwell』s busy day. The 20)ticker began to 21)reel out 22)jerkily its 23)fitful
24)coils of tape, the desk telephone had a chronic attack of buzzing. Men began
to throng into the office and call at him over the railing, jovially, sharply,
viciously, excitedly. Messenger boys ran in and out with messages and telegrams.
The clerks in the office jumped about like sailors ring a storm. Maxwell
shoved his chair against the wall and transacted business after the manner of a
25)toe dancer. He jumped from ticker to phone, from desk to door with the
trained 26)agility of a
27)harlequin.
今天是哈維·麥克斯韋爾的一個大忙天。股票行情自動收錄器開始像犯痙攣似地斷斷續續地吐出卷卷紙帶,桌上的電話像害了慢性病似的不時作響。人們開始湧入辦公室,隔著扶手欄桿朝他大喊大叫,有的欣喜若狂,有的尖聲厲詞,有的滿懷敵意,有的激動不已。信童跑進跑出傳信傳電報。辦公室里的職員們忙得跳來跳去,活像風暴來臨時船上的水手。麥克斯韋爾把椅子猛推到牆邊,如芭蕾舞者踮著腳尖跳舞般敏捷地處理業務,一下從股票行情自動收錄器跳到電話機旁,一下又從辦公桌邊跳到門口,其靈活度不亞於受過專門訓練的滑稽丑角。

In the midst of this growing and important stress, the broker became
suddenly aware of a high-rolled 28)fringe of golden hair under a nodding
29)canopy of velvet and 30)ostrich tips, an imitation sealskin 31)sacque and a
string of beads as large as 32)hickory nuts, ending near the floor with a silver
heart. There was a 33)self-possessed young lady connected with these
accessories; and Pitcher was there to construe
her.
就在這個愈發緊張和重要的時刻,經紀人突然注意到一頂帶鴕鳥毛羽飾、微微抖動的絲絨帽下那高高捲起的金發劉海,一件寬大的人造海豹皮上衣,一串用大如山核桃的珠子穿成,吊著個心形銀墜,幾乎垂到地板上的珠鏈。穿戴這些衣飾的是一個沉著鎮定的年輕女子。皮徹正准備介紹她。

「Lady from the Stenographer』s Agency to see about the position,」 said
Pitcher.
Maxwell turned half around, with his hands full of papers and
ticker tape. 「What position?」 he asked, with a frown.
「Position of
stenographer,」 said Pitcher. 「You told me yesterday to call them up and have one
sent over this morning.」
「You are losing your mind, Pitcher,」 said
Maxwell. 「Why should I have given you any such instructions? Miss Leslie has
given perfect satisfaction ring the year she has been here. The place is hers
as long as she chooses to retain it. There』s no place open here, madam.
Countermand that order with the agency, Pitcher, and don』t bring any more of 』em
in here.」
「這位小姐是速記員介紹所介紹過來的,應聘速記員一職。」皮徹說道。

麥克斯韋爾半轉過身,雙手滿是紙張和寫著股票行情的紙帶。「什麼職位?」他皺著眉頭問道。

「速記員。」皮徹說,「昨天你吩咐我給他們打電話,叫他們今天上午介紹一個人過來。」

「皮徹,你犯糊塗了吧?」麥克斯韋爾說,「我怎麼會叫你這樣做呢?萊絲麗小姐在這兒工作的一年裡令人十分滿意。只要她願意幹下去,這個職位永遠是她的。小姐,這兒沒有職位空缺。皮徹,通知介紹所取消招聘,叫他們別再介紹人過來。」

The silver heart left the office, swinging and banging itself
independently against the office furniture as it indignantly departed. Pitcher
seized a moment to remark to the bookkeeper that the 「34)old man」 seemed to get
more absent-minded and forgetful every day of the world.

那心形銀墜離開了辦公室,一路上憤憤不平,自個兒晃晃悠悠地撞上了辦公室里的傢具,撞得乒乓作響。皮徹忙中偷閑對簿記員說,「頭兒」似乎一天比一天心不在焉,且越發健忘。

The rush and pace of business grew fiercer and faster. On the floor they
were pounding half a dozen stocks in which Maxwell』s customers were heavy
investors. Orders to buy and sell were coming and going as swift as the flight
of swallows. Some of his own holdings were 35)imperiled, and the man was working
like some high-geared, delicate, strong machine—strung to full tension, going at
full speed, accurate, never hesitating, with the proper word and decision and
act, ready and prompt as clockwork. Stocks and bonds, loans and mortgages,
margins and securities—here was a world of finance, and there was no room in it
for the human world or the world of
nature.
業務處理越來越忙,節奏越來越快。麥克斯韋爾的顧客投資很大的股票中有六個遭到重創。下單買進賣出,來去疾如燕飛。麥克斯韋爾本人持有的一部分股票也危如累卵。他就像一台高速運轉、精密而強大的機器那樣工作著——精神綳緊到最大限度,開足馬力,准確精密,從不猶豫,言語、決策和行動都像發條裝置那般,准備充分,反應迅速。股票、債券、貸款、抵押、交易保證金和有價證券——這是一個金融世界,里頭沒有容納人類世界或是自然界的絲毫空隙。

When
the luncheon hour drew near there came a slight 36)lull in the
37)uproar.
午餐時間逐漸臨近,喧囂之中出現了片刻安靜。

Maxwell stood by his desk with
his hands full of telegrams and 38)memoranda, with a fountain pen over his right
ear and his hair hanging in disorderly strings over his forehead. And through
the window came a wandering—perhaps a lost—odour—a delicate, sweet odour of
lilac that fixed the broker for a moment immovable. For this odour belonged to
Miss Leslie; it was her own, and hers only. The odour brought her vividly,
almost tangibly before him. The world of finance dwindled suddenly to a
39)speck. And she was in the next room—twenty steps
away.
麥克斯韋爾站在辦公桌邊,手裡滿是電報和備忘便條,右耳上夾著一支鋼筆,一縷縷的頭發凌亂地垂在前額上。窗口飄進了一股四處徘徊的氣息——或許是一種失落的氣息——
一股優雅的丁香花香氣,剎那間,麥克斯韋爾給怔住了。因為這氣息來自萊絲麗小姐。是她的氣息,她獨有的氣息。芳香在他心中喚出了她的容貌,栩栩如生,幾乎伸手可及。金融世界轉瞬間縮成一小斑點。而她就在隔壁房間,僅二十步之遙。


「40)By George, I』ll do it now,」 said Maxwell, half aloud. 「I』ll ask her now. I
wonder why I didn』t do it long ago.」 He dashed into the inner office. He charged
upon the desk of the
stenographer.
「真的,我現在就得去,」麥克斯韋爾幾乎喊了出來,「我現在就去問她。我怎麼沒早點兒想起呢?」他箭步沖進里間辦公室,向速記員的辦公桌沖過去。

She
looked up at him with a smile. A soft pink crept over her cheek, and her eyes
were kind and frank. Maxwell leaned one elbow on her desk. He still clutched
fluttering papers with both hands and the pen was above his
ear.
她抬起頭,微笑地看著他,臉頰泛出淡淡紅暈,眼裡流露出溫柔和坦誠。麥克斯韋爾一隻胳膊撐在她桌上,手上依然握著晃動著的文件紙張,耳朵上還夾著那支鋼筆。

「Miss
Leslie,」 he began hurriedly, 「I have but a moment to spare. I want to say
something in that moment. Will you be my wife? I haven』t had time to make love
to you in the ordinary way, but I really do love you. Talk quick, please—those
fellows are 41)clubbing the stuffing out of Union
Pacific.」
「萊絲麗小姐,」他匆匆開口說,「我只能抽出這么點時間。趁這個機會跟你說幾句話。你願意做我的妻子嗎?我沒有時間以常人的方式跟你談情說愛,但是我確實愛你。請快回答我——那幫人正在設法打垮聯合太平洋鐵路公司呢。」

「Oh,
what are you talking about?」 exclaimed the young lady. She rose to her feet and
gazed upon him, round-eyed.
「喔,你在說什麼呀?」
年輕女人嚷道。她站起來,直愣愣地盯著他,眼睛睜得圓圓的。

「Don』t you understand?」 said Maxwell,
42)restively. 「I want you to marry me. I love you, Miss Leslie. I wanted to tell
you, and I snatched a minute when things had 43)slackened up a bit. They』re
calling me for the phone now. Tell 』em to wait a minute, Pitcher. Won』t you,
Miss
Leslie?」
「你不明白嗎?」麥克斯韋爾倔頭倔腦地說,「我想要你嫁給我。我愛你,萊絲麗小姐。我早就想對你說了,所以工作沒那麼緊張時就抽空跑來。他們現在又打電話找我了。皮徹,讓他們等一會兒。萊絲麗小姐,你願意嗎?」

The
stenographer acted very queerly. At first she seemed overcome with amazement;
then tears flowed from her wondering eyes; and then she smiled sunnily through
them, and one of her arms slid tenderly about the broker』s
neck.
速記員的舉動很奇怪。起先,她似乎驚愕萬分;接著,淚水從她那充滿詫異的眼睛裡流了下來;之後,透過晶瑩的淚花,她展露出陽光般燦爛的笑容,一條胳膊溫柔地摟住經紀人的脖子。

「I
know now,」 she said, softly. 「It』s this old business that has driven everything
else out of your head. I was frightened at first. Don』t you remember, Harvey? We
were married yesterday evening at 8 o』clock in the Little Church Around the
Corner.」

「現在我懂了,」她柔聲說道,「是這破買賣讓你啥都忘了。起初我還很害怕呢。難道你不記得了嗎?哈維,我們昨晚八點鍾在『街角的小教堂』里舉行過婚禮了。」

⑶ 英文版的幽默故事（不要太長）

Nail
or
Fly?
An
old
gentleman
whose
eyesight
was
failing
came
to
stay
in
a
hotel
room
with
a
bottle
of
wine
in
each
hand.
On
the
wall
there
was
a
fly
which
he
took
for
a
nail.
So
the
moment
he
hung
them
on,
the
bottles
fell
broken
and
the
wine
spilt
all
over
the
floor.
When
a
waitress
discovered
what
had
happened,
she
showed
deep
sympathy
for
him
and
decided
to
do
him
a
favour.
So
the
next
morning
when
he
was
out
taking
a
walk
in
the
roof
garden,
she
hammered
a
nail
exactly
where
the
fly
had
stayed.
Now
the
old
man
entered
is
room.
The
smell
of
the
spilt
wine
reminded
him
of
the
accident.
When
he
looked
up
at
the
wall,
he
found
the
fly
was
there
again!
He
walked
to
it
carefully
adn
slapped
it
with
all
his
strength.
On
hearing
a
loud
cry,
the
kind-hearted
waitress
rushed
in.
To
er
great
surprise,
the
poor
old
man
was
there
sitting
on
the
floor,
his
teeth
clenched
and
his
right
hand
bleeding!
釘子還是蒼蠅?
一位視力正在衰退的老紳士住進了一家旅館的客房。他雙手各拿一瓶酒。在牆上有隻蒼蠅，他誤以為是枚釘子。他把兩只瓶子朝上一掛，瓶子掉下來摔碎了，酒灑了一地。一個女服務員發現發生的事情以後，對他深表同情，決定幫他個忙。
於是，第二天早上他到樓頂花園散步時，她把一枚釘子釘在了蒼蠅停過的地方。
這里，老人回到了房裡。倒灑的酒味讓他想起了那件事。他抬頭往牆上一看，蒼蠅又停在了那兒!他輕手輕腳地走近，使盡全力拍了一掌。聽到一聲大叫，好心的女服務員沖進房來。讓她大為吃驚的是，可憐的老頭正坐在地板上，牙關緊咬，右手滴血不止。

⑷ 求長篇英語故事(特別有趣）

Where
is
the
father?
Two
brothers
were
looking
at
some
beautiful
paintings.
"Look,"
said
the
elder
brother.
"How
nice
these
paintings
are!"
"Yes,"
said
the
younger,
"but
in
all
these
paintings
there
is
only
the
mother
and
the
children.
Where
is
the
father?"
The
elder
brother
thought
for
a
moment
and
then
explained,
"Obviously
he
was
painting
the
pictures."
父親在哪兒？
兄弟倆在看一些漂亮的油畫。
「看，」哥哥說，「這些畫內多漂亮呀！容」
「是啊，」弟弟說道，「可是在所有這些畫中，只有媽媽和孩子。那爸爸去哪兒了呢？」
哥哥想了會兒，然後解釋道：「很明顯，他當時正在畫這些畫唄。」

⑸ 英語幽默故事帶翻譯

這樣可以嗎 ？

Teacher:Why are you late for school every morning?

Tom:Every time I come to the corner,a sign says,"School-Go slow".

老師:為什麼你每天早晨都遲到?
湯姆:每當我經過學校的拐角處,就看見一個牌子上寫著"學校----慢行".
A Good Boy

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."

好孩子

小羅伯特向媽媽要兩分錢。
「昨天給你的錢干什麼了？」
「我給了一個可憐的老太婆，」他回答說。 「你真是個好孩子，」媽媽驕傲地說。「再給你兩分錢。可你為什麼對那位老太太那麼感興趣呢？」
「她是個賣糖果的。」

Drunk

One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk."
"But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"

醉酒

一天，父親與小兒子一道回家。這個孩子正處於那種對什麼事都很感興趣的年齡，老是有提不完的問題。他向父親發問道：「爸爸，『醉』字是什麼意思？」 「唔，孩子，」父親回答說，「你瞧那兒站著兩個警察。如果我把他們看成了四個，那麼我就算醉了。」 「可是，爸爸， 」孩子說，「那兒只有一個警察呀！」

⑹ 英語長篇笑話故事

A Girl Just Like Mother

No matter which girl he brought home， the young man found disapproval from his mother． A friend gave him advice．

「Find a girl just like your mother—then she's bound to like her．

So the young man searched and searched， and finally found the girl．He told his friendly adviser：

「Just like you said， I found a girl who looked，talked，dressed， and even cooked like mother．And just as you said，mother liked her」

「So，」asked the friend，「what happened？」

「Nothing，」said the young man．「My father hates her！」

翻譯—

和母親一樣的女孩

無論帶哪一個女孩回家，這位青年人總會遭到母親的反對。一位朋友勸他說：

「找一個和你母親一樣的女孩——那她一定會喜歡她。」

於是這位青年人不停地找啊找，終於找到了這么個女孩。

他對他友好的忠告者說：

「正像你說的那樣，我找到一個長相、談吐、穿著打扮，甚至連烹飪都和我母親一樣的女孩。也正像你說的那樣，我母親喜歡她。」

「那後來呢？」朋友問。

「沒什麼，」青年人說。「我父親討厭她！」

⑺ 四個英語經典搞笑故事

My First and My Last
When George was thirty-five, he bought a small plane and learned to fly it. He soon became very good and made his plane do all kinds of tricks.
George had a friend. His name was Mark. One day George offered to take Mark up in his plane. Mark thought, "I've travelled in a big plane several times, but I've never been in a small one, so I'll go."
They went up, and George flew around for half an hour and did all kinds of tricks in the air.
When they came down again, Mark was very glad to be back safely, and he said to his friend in a shaking voice, "Well, George, thank you very much for those two trips in your plane."
Gerogy was very surprised and said, "Two trips?"
"Yes, my first and my last," answered Mark.
第一次與最後一次
喬治35歲時買了架小型飛機，並開始學習駕駛。不久，他就能很嫻熟地駕機做各種各樣的特技飛行了。
喬治有個朋友名叫馬克。一天，喬治主動邀請馬克乘他的飛機上天兜一圈。馬克心想，「我乘大客機飛行過好幾次，還從來沒有乘過小飛機，我不妨試一試。」
升空後，喬治飛了有半個小時，在空中做了各種各樣的飛行特技。
後來他們著陸了。馬克很高興能夠安全返回地面。他用顫抖的聲音對他的朋友說：「喬治，非常感謝你讓我乘小飛機做了兩次飛行。」
喬治非常吃驚地問：「兩次飛行？」
「是的，我的第一次和最後一次。」馬克答道。
First Flight
Mr. Johnson had never been up in an aerophane before and he had read a lot about air accidents, so one day when a friend offered to take him for a ride in his own small phane, Mr. Johnson was very worried about accepting. Finally, however, his friend persuaded him that it was very safe, and Mr. Johnson boarded the plane.
His friend started the engine and began to taxi onto the runway of the airport. Mr. Johnson had heard that the most dangerous part of a flight were the take-off and the landing, so he was extremely frightened and closed his eyes.
After a minute or two he opened them again, looked out of the window of the plane, and said to his friend, "Look at those people down there. They look as small as ants, don't they?"
"Those are ants," answered his friend. "We're still on the ground."
第一次坐飛機
約翰遜先生從前未乘過飛機，他讀過許多關於飛行事故的報道。所以，有一天一位朋友邀請他乘自己的小飛機飛行時，約翰遜先生非常擔心，不敢接受。不過，由於朋友不斷保證說飛行是很安全的，約翰遜先生終於被說服了，登上了飛機。
他的朋友啟動引擎開始在機場跑道上滑行。約翰遜先生聽說飛行中最危險的是起飛與降落，所以他嚇得緊閉雙眼。
過了一兩分鍾，他睜開雙眼朝窗外望去，接著對朋友說道：「看下面那些人，他們看起來就象螞蟻一樣小，是不是？」
「那些就是螞蟻，」他的朋友答道，「我們還在地面上。」
A Nail Or A Fly?
An old gentleman whose eyesight was failing came to stay in a hotel room with a bottle of wine in each hand. On the wall there was a fly which he took for a nail. So the moment he hung them on, the bottles fell broken and the wine spilt all over the floor. When a waitress discovered what had happened, she showed deep sympathy for him and decided to do him a favour.
So the next morning when he was out taking a walk in the roof garden, she hammered a nail exactly where the fly had stayed.
Now the old man entered his room. The smell of the spilt wine reminded him of the accident. When he looked up at the wall, he found the fly was there again! He walked to it carefully adn slapped it with all his strength. On hearing a loud cry, the kind-hearted waitress rushed in. To her great surprise, the poor old man was there sitting on the floor, his teeth clenched and his right hand bleeding!
釘子還是蒼蠅？
一位視力正在衰退的老紳士住進了一家旅館的客房。他雙手各拿一瓶酒。在牆上有隻蒼蠅，他誤以為是枚釘子。他把兩只瓶子朝上一掛，瓶子掉下來摔碎了，酒灑了一地。一個女服務員發現發生的事情以後，對他深表同情，決定幫他個忙。
於是，第二天早上他到樓頂花園散步時，她把一枚釘子釘在了蒼蠅停過的地方。
這里，老人回到了房裡。倒灑的酒味讓他想起了那件事。他抬頭往牆上一看，蒼蠅又停在了那兒!他輕手輕腳地走近，使盡全力拍了一掌。聽到一聲大叫，好心的女服務員沖進房來。讓她大為吃驚的是，可憐的老頭正坐在地板上，牙關緊咬，右手滴血不止。
I'll See to the Rest
A guard was about to signal his train to start when he saw an attractive girl standing on the platform by an open door, talking to another pretty girl inside the carriage.
"Come on, miss!" he shouted. "Shut the door, please!"
"Oh, I just want to kiss my sister goodbye," she called back.
"You just shut that door, please," called the guard, "and I'll see to the rest."
其餘的事由我負責
一位車上的列車員剛發出信號讓火車啟動，這時他看見一位很漂亮的姑娘站在站台上一節打開的車廂門旁邊，跟車廂里另一位漂亮姑娘在說話。
「快點，小姐!」他喊道：「請把門關上。」
「噢，我還沒有和妹妹吻別呢。」她回答道。
「請把門關上好了，」列車員說：「其餘的事由我負責。」
Chaude and Cold
A patron in Montreal cafe turned on a tap in the washroom and got scalded. "This is an outrage," he complained. "The faucet marked C gave me boiling water."
"But, Monsieur, C stands for chaude - French for hot. You should know that if you live in Montreal."
"Wait a minute," roared the patron. "The other tap is also marked C."
"Of course," said the manager, "It stands for cold. After all, Montreal is a bilingual city."
熱與冷
蒙特利爾自助餐廳的一位顧客擰開盥洗室的龍頭，結果被水燙傷了。「這太可惡了，」他抱怨道，「標著C的龍頭流出的是開水。」
「可是，先生，C代表Chaude－法語里代表『熱』。如果您居住在蒙特利爾的話就得知道這一點。」
「等等，」那位顧客咆哮一聲，「另外一個龍頭同樣標的是C。」
「當然，」經理說道：「它代表冷。畢竟，蒙特利爾是個雙語城市。」
這個網站里還有很多http://wenku..com/view/6b5902aad1f34693daef3eb2.html

⑻ 求特別搞笑的英語小故事

motivation
-
動機
my
english
professor
once
launched
into
a
lecture
on
"motivation."
"what
pushes
you
ahead?"
he
asked.
"what
is
it
that
makes
you
go
to
school
each
day?
what
driving
force
makes
you
strive
to
accomplish?"
turning
suddenly
to
one
young
woman,
he
demanded:
"what
makes
you
get
out
of
bed
in
the
morning?"
the
student
replied:
"my
mother."
我們英文課的教授有一次在課上講「動機」。「是什麼推動你在人生的版路上向前走？」權他問道，「是什麼讓你每天上學來？又是什麼驅使你追求成功？」沖著一個女學生，他問：「是什麼讓你早晨從床上爬起來的呢？」學生答道：「我媽媽。」