長篇英語搞笑故事帶翻譯

⑴ 英語幽默小故事帶翻譯200字以上10篇

1. Midway Tactics
Three competing store owners rented adjoining shops in a mall. Observers waited for mayhem to ensue.
The retailer on the right put up huge signs saying, "Gigantic Sale!" and "Super Bargains!"
The store on the left raised bigger signs proclaiming, "Prices Slashed!" and "Fantastic Discounts!"
The owner in the middle then prepared a large sign that simply stated, "ENTRANCE".
中間戰術
三個互相爭生意的商店老闆在一條商業街上租用了毗鄰的店鋪。旁觀者等著瞧好戲。
右邊的零售商掛起了巨大的招牌，上書：「大減價!」「特便宜!」
左邊的商店掛出了更大的招牌，聲稱：「大砍價!」「大折扣!」
中間的商人隨後准備了一個大招牌，上面只簡單地寫著：「入口處」。
2. Very Pleased to Meet You
During World War II, a lot of young women in Britain were in the army. Joan Phillips was one of them. She worked in a big camp, and of course met a lot of men, officers and soldiers.
One evening she met Captain Humphreys at a dance. He said to her, "I「m going abroad tomorrow, but I「d be very happy if we could write to each other." Joan agreed, and they wrote for several months.
Then his letters stopped, but she received one from another officer, telling her that he had been wounded and was in a certain army hospital in England.
Joan went there and said to the matron, "I「ve come to visit Captain Humphreys."
"Only relatives are allowed to visit patients here," the matron said.
"Oh, that「s all right," answered Joan. "I「m his sister."
"I「m very pleased to meet you," the matron said, "I「m his mother!"
在第二次世界大戰中，有許多年輕的婦女在軍營中服役。瓊.飛利浦斯是其中之一。她在一個大軍營中工作，當然遇到了許多男士，包括軍官和士兵。
一天晚上她在舞會上遇到了軍官漢弗雷斯。他對她說，"我明天就要出國，但如果我們能夠相互寫信，我會很高興。"瓊同意了，於是他們幾個月里一直通著信。
後來，他再沒有來信。她收到了另一個軍官的信，告訴她，他受傷了，住在英格蘭的某個部隊醫院里。
瓊到了醫院，她對護士長說，"我來看望軍官漢弗雷斯。"
"這里只有親屬可以探望病人。"護士長說。
"噢，是的，"瓊說，"我是他的妹妹。"
"很高興認識你，"護士長說，"我是他的母親。"
希望能幫助到您，望採納！

⑵ 英語幽默故事帶翻譯

這樣可以嗎 ？

Teacher:Why are you late for school every morning?

Tom:Every time I come to the corner,a sign says,"School-Go slow".

老師:為什麼你每天早晨都遲到?
湯姆:每當我經過學校的拐角處,就看見一個牌子上寫著"學校----慢行".
A Good Boy

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."

好孩子

小羅伯特向媽媽要兩分錢。
「昨天給你的錢干什麼了？」
「我給了一個可憐的老太婆，」他回答說。 「你真是個好孩子，」媽媽驕傲地說。「再給你兩分錢。可你為什麼對那位老太太那麼感興趣呢？」
「她是個賣糖果的。」

Drunk

One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk."
"But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"

醉酒

一天，父親與小兒子一道回家。這個孩子正處於那種對什麼事都很感興趣的年齡，老是有提不完的問題。他向父親發問道：「爸爸，『醉』字是什麼意思？」 「唔，孩子，」父親回答說，「你瞧那兒站著兩個警察。如果我把他們看成了四個，那麼我就算醉了。」 「可是，爸爸， 」孩子說，「那兒只有一個警察呀！」

⑶ 很長很長的幽默性的英語故事帶翻譯

1.Lady
First
女士優先
A
teacher
asked
her
class:
"Is
the
sentence
'
The
ox
and
the
cow
are
in
the
fields'
correct?"
Most
of
the
children
said:
"Yes,
it
is
all
right!"
And
only
one
little
boy
said:
"No,
it
is
not
correct.
The
lady
must
be
mentioned
first."
女士優先
一位老師問班上的學生：」公牛和母牛在田裡「這個句子內對嗎？」
大多數學生回答容說：「對，一點不錯。」
只有一個小男孩說：「不對，應該先說女士。」
2.Where
is
the
egg?
Teacher:Can
you
make
a
sentence
with
the
word
"egg"?
Student:Yes.I
ate
a
piece
of
cake
yesterday.
Teacher:Then
where
is
the
「egg"?
Student:In
the
cake,Sir.
雞蛋在哪裡？
老師：你能用「雞蛋」一詞造句嗎？
學生：可以。我昨天吃了一塊蛋糕。
老師：「雞蛋」在哪？
學生：在蛋糕里，先生。

⑷ 大學生3分鍾英語搞笑故事帶翻譯

The Policeman and the Thief
Once, a new policeman caught a thief in a small town, and decided to bring him back to the police station in the city. On their way they came to a shop where bread was sold. 「 We have no food, and we must be hungry after a while. Let me go into the shop and buy some bread for us. Wait here for me.」 The thief said.
The policeman agreed with him and waited in the street for a long time , but thief didn』t come out of the shop. The policeman began to be worried ,and ran into the shop, he couldn』t see the thief but the back door of the shop.
The policeman had to go back to the police station alone, and he was very unhappy.
Luckily, the policeman caught the thief at the same place the next day. When.they walked though the same street and the same shop, 「 Wait here,」 said the policeman 「 Last time you ran away from the shop. This time , I』ll go into the shop and buy the bread , and you must wait here for me.」

警察與小偷
一次， 一個新上任的警察在小鎮上抓住了一個小偷，他決定把這小偷押送到城裡警察局去。在路上，他們路過了一家麵包店。「我們沒帶吃的，呆會兒肯定會餓的，讓我去給咱們買點麵包。你在這等等我啊。」小偷說道。
警察同意了，並在街上等了很長一段時間，但是，小偷一直沒有從商店出來。警察開始擔心了，他跑進商店，除了一扇開著的後門，他什麼也沒看見。
警察不得不很郁悶的獨自回到了警察局。
幸運的是第二天，他在同一地方又抓住了那小偷。當他們路過同一條街，同一家商店時，「在這等著我，」警察說道，「上次，你從這家商店溜了，這次，我去買麵包，你必須在這等我！」

⑸ 求一個簡單的英語幽默小故事,不要太長. 英語加翻譯

Tom has two apples.He ate one and ask Jim "how mang apples do I have now?".Jim answered quickly"very easy,one."But Tom said"no ,I have two .One is inside and the other is outside.
湯姆有兩個蘋果.他吃了一個,然後問吉姆「我現在有幾個蘋果?」吉姆很快的版回答說「太簡權單了,一個嘛.」但是湯姆說「不對,我有兩個.一個在裡面（肚子里）一個在外面.

⑹ 英語幽默小故事50字左右（帶翻譯）

1. Q: Why won』t the elephant use the computer?

為什麼大象不玩電腦？

A: He』s afraid of the mouse!

他害怕老鼠！

滑鼠和老鼠的英文皆為mouse。

mouse [maʊs]n. 滑鼠；老鼠；膽小羞怯的人

2.A much worried patiant walked into the doctor's office and asked for help。

"Doctor, I don't know what to do. I accidentally drank a bottle of gasoline yesterday."

"Oh, don't worry! All you have to remember is not to smoke in the next few days." The doctor said.

一位很焦急的病人走到醫生辦公室尋求幫助。

「醫生，我不知道該怎麼辦。昨天我不小心喝下了一瓶汽油。」

「哦，不用擔心。你一定要牢記未來幾天不要吸煙就行了。」醫生說。

3.A man was hit by a cab in the street.

He was brought to the hospital.

His wife who was standing up by his bed, said to the doctor: "I think that he is very ill."

"I am afraid that he is dead."said the doctor,

Hearing this, the man moved his head and said: "I'm not dead. I'm still alive."

"Be quiet, "said the wife. "the doctor knows better than you!"

一個男人在街上被計程車撞倒送進了醫院.

他的妻子站在他的床前對醫生說:"我想他傷得很厲害."

醫生說:"我怕他已經死了."

聽到醫生的話,這個男人轉動著頭說:"我沒死,我還活著."

妻子說:"安靜,醫生比你懂得多."

4.A man goes to church and starts talking to God.

He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?"

And God says: "A penny".

Then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?"

And God says: "a second",

Then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?"

And God says "In a second".

一男子進入教堂和上帝對話.

他問:"主啊, 一百萬美元對你意味著多少?"

上帝回答:"一便士."

男子又問:"那一百萬年呢?"

上帝說:"一秒鍾."

最後男子請求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士嗎?"

上帝回答:"過一秒鍾."

5.Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny?

Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.

Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?

Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.

湯姆：約翰尼，你小弟弟好嗎？

約翰尼：他害病卧床了。他受了傷。

湯姆：真糟糕，怎麼回事兒？

約翰尼：我們做游戲，看誰能把身子探出窗外最遠，他贏了。

6.Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?"
"A kid bit me," replied Ivan.
"Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother.
"I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket."

他的耳朵在我衣兜里

伊凡鼻子流著血回到家裡。他媽媽問，「發生了什麼事？」

「一個男孩咬了我一口，」伊凡說。

「再見到他你能認出來嗎？」媽媽問。

「他走到哪裡我都能認出他，」伊凡說。「他的耳朵還在我衣兜里呢。」

⑺ 長篇的比較搞笑的英語故事和翻譯

Pitcher, 2)confidential clerk in the office of Harvey Maxwell, broker, allowed a
look of mild interest and surprise to visit his usually expressionless
3)countenance when his employer 4)briskly entered at half past nine in company
with his young lady5)stenographer. With a 6)snappy 「Good-morning, Pitcher,」
Maxwell dashed at his desk as though he were intending to leap over it, and then
plunged into the great heap of letters and telegrams waiting there for
him.
九點半時,股票經紀人哈維·麥克斯韋爾在年輕女速記員的陪同下精神抖擻地走進辦公室。他事務所里的機要秘書皮徹那通常毫無表情的臉上不禁露出一絲好奇和詫異。麥克斯韋爾精力充沛地喊了聲「早啊,皮徹」,就朝他的辦公桌沖去,彷彿要跳過它似的。接著,他就一頭扎進一大堆等著他處理的信件和電報里。

The
young lady had been Maxwell』s stenographer for a year. She was beautiful in a
way that was 7)decidedly unstenographic. She 8)forwent the 9)pomp of the
alluring 10)pompadour. She wore no chains, bracelets or 11)lockets. She had not
the air of being about to accept an invitation to luncheon. Her dress was grey
and plain, but it fitted her figure with 12)fidelity and discretion. In her neat
black 13)turban hat was the gold-green wing of a 14)macaw. On this morning she
was softly and shyly radiant. Her eyes were dreamily bright, her cheeks genuine
15)peachblow, her expression a happy one, 16)tinged with
reminiscence.
那位年輕姑娘給麥克斯韋爾當速記員已經有一年了。她的美絕非速記員草草幾筆所能簡單描述。她不梳那種華麗誘人的龐帕杜高卷式發型,也不戴項鏈、手鐲或盒式小墜子。她臉上沒有那種受邀准備參加午宴的神氣。她的灰色裙子素凈,但相當合身,顯身材又不失大方莊重。她那頂簡潔的黑色無邊帽上插了根金綠色的金剛鸚鵡毛。這個上午,她身上煥發出一種溫柔而羞怯的光彩,雙眼流波閃爍,臉頰直泛桃紅,臉上帶著幸福的神色和絲絲懷想。

Pitcher, still mildly curious, noticed a difference in her ways this
morning. Instead of going straight into the adjoining room, where her desk was,
she lingered, slightly irresolute, in the outer office. Once she moved over by
Maxwell』s desk, near enough for him to be aware of her presence.

皮徹仍舊有點好奇,他注意到她這個上午的舉止有些異樣。她不像往常那樣徑直走進麥克斯韋爾辦公室隔壁那房間(她辦公桌在那兒),而是在辦公室外間略帶遲疑地徘徊。她還一度走近麥克斯韋爾的辦公桌,近得足以讓他意識到她的存在。

The machine sitting at that desk was no longer a man; it was a busy New
York broker, moved by buzzing wheels and 17)uncoiling
springs.
坐在辦公桌前的不再是個常人,簡直成了台機器。那是忙碌的紐約股票經紀人,一台上滿發條運作起來齒輪吱吱響的機器。

「Well—what is it? Anything?」 asked Maxwell sharply. His opened mail
lay like a bank of stage snow on his crowded desk. His keen grey eye, impersonal
and 18)brusque, flashed upon her half impatiently.
「Nothing,」 answered the
stenographer, moving away with a little smile.
「Mr. Pitcher,」 she said to
the confidential clerk, 「did Mr. Maxwell say anything yesterday about engaging
another stenographer?」
「He did,」 answered Pitcher. 「He told me to get
another one. I notified the agency yesterday afternoon to send over a few
samples this morning. It』s 9:45 o』clock, and not a single 19)picture hat or
piece of pineapple chewing gum has showed up yet.」

「噢——怎麼?有事嗎?」麥克斯韋爾徑直問道。他那些拆開了的信件躺在那張堆滿東西的辦公桌上,好像舞台上的一層人造雪。他那雙銳利的灰色眼睛半帶厭煩地掃了她一眼,顯得不近人情且粗暴無禮。

「沒什麼,」速記員回答說,然後笑了笑走開了。
「皮徹先生,」 她對機要秘書說,「麥克斯韋爾先生昨天有沒提過另外雇一名速記員的事?」

「提過。」皮徹答道,「他吩咐我另外找一個。昨天下午,我已通知速記員介紹所,讓他們今天上午介紹幾個來面試。現在已經九點四十五了,還沒見著哪個戴闊邊帽的或嚼菠蘿口香糖的人呢。」

「I will do the work as usual, then,」 said the young lady, 「until
someone comes to fill the place.」 And she went to her desk at once and hung the
black turban hat with the gold-green macaw wing in its accustomed
place.
「那我還是照常工作好啦,」 那年輕女子說道,「直到有人來頂替我這工作。」
她立刻走到自己的辦公桌前,把那頂插著金綠色金剛鸚鵡毛的黑色無邊帽掛在老地方。

And this day was Harvey
Maxwell』s busy day. The 20)ticker began to 21)reel out 22)jerkily its 23)fitful
24)coils of tape, the desk telephone had a chronic attack of buzzing. Men began
to throng into the office and call at him over the railing, jovially, sharply,
viciously, excitedly. Messenger boys ran in and out with messages and telegrams.
The clerks in the office jumped about like sailors ring a storm. Maxwell
shoved his chair against the wall and transacted business after the manner of a
25)toe dancer. He jumped from ticker to phone, from desk to door with the
trained 26)agility of a
27)harlequin.
今天是哈維·麥克斯韋爾的一個大忙天。股票行情自動收錄器開始像犯痙攣似地斷斷續續地吐出卷卷紙帶,桌上的電話像害了慢性病似的不時作響。人們開始湧入辦公室,隔著扶手欄桿朝他大喊大叫,有的欣喜若狂,有的尖聲厲詞,有的滿懷敵意,有的激動不已。信童跑進跑出傳信傳電報。辦公室里的職員們忙得跳來跳去,活像風暴來臨時船上的水手。麥克斯韋爾把椅子猛推到牆邊,如芭蕾舞者踮著腳尖跳舞般敏捷地處理業務,一下從股票行情自動收錄器跳到電話機旁,一下又從辦公桌邊跳到門口,其靈活度不亞於受過專門訓練的滑稽丑角。

In the midst of this growing and important stress, the broker became
suddenly aware of a high-rolled 28)fringe of golden hair under a nodding
29)canopy of velvet and 30)ostrich tips, an imitation sealskin 31)sacque and a
string of beads as large as 32)hickory nuts, ending near the floor with a silver
heart. There was a 33)self-possessed young lady connected with these
accessories; and Pitcher was there to construe
her.
就在這個愈發緊張和重要的時刻,經紀人突然注意到一頂帶鴕鳥毛羽飾、微微抖動的絲絨帽下那高高捲起的金發劉海,一件寬大的人造海豹皮上衣,一串用大如山核桃的珠子穿成,吊著個心形銀墜,幾乎垂到地板上的珠鏈。穿戴這些衣飾的是一個沉著鎮定的年輕女子。皮徹正准備介紹她。

「Lady from the Stenographer』s Agency to see about the position,」 said
Pitcher.
Maxwell turned half around, with his hands full of papers and
ticker tape. 「What position?」 he asked, with a frown.
「Position of
stenographer,」 said Pitcher. 「You told me yesterday to call them up and have one
sent over this morning.」
「You are losing your mind, Pitcher,」 said
Maxwell. 「Why should I have given you any such instructions? Miss Leslie has
given perfect satisfaction ring the year she has been here. The place is hers
as long as she chooses to retain it. There』s no place open here, madam.
Countermand that order with the agency, Pitcher, and don』t bring any more of 』em
in here.」
「這位小姐是速記員介紹所介紹過來的,應聘速記員一職。」皮徹說道。

麥克斯韋爾半轉過身,雙手滿是紙張和寫著股票行情的紙帶。「什麼職位?」他皺著眉頭問道。

「速記員。」皮徹說,「昨天你吩咐我給他們打電話,叫他們今天上午介紹一個人過來。」

「皮徹,你犯糊塗了吧?」麥克斯韋爾說,「我怎麼會叫你這樣做呢?萊絲麗小姐在這兒工作的一年裡令人十分滿意。只要她願意幹下去,這個職位永遠是她的。小姐,這兒沒有職位空缺。皮徹,通知介紹所取消招聘,叫他們別再介紹人過來。」

The silver heart left the office, swinging and banging itself
independently against the office furniture as it indignantly departed. Pitcher
seized a moment to remark to the bookkeeper that the 「34)old man」 seemed to get
more absent-minded and forgetful every day of the world.

那心形銀墜離開了辦公室,一路上憤憤不平,自個兒晃晃悠悠地撞上了辦公室里的傢具,撞得乒乓作響。皮徹忙中偷閑對簿記員說,「頭兒」似乎一天比一天心不在焉,且越發健忘。

The rush and pace of business grew fiercer and faster. On the floor they
were pounding half a dozen stocks in which Maxwell』s customers were heavy
investors. Orders to buy and sell were coming and going as swift as the flight
of swallows. Some of his own holdings were 35)imperiled, and the man was working
like some high-geared, delicate, strong machine—strung to full tension, going at
full speed, accurate, never hesitating, with the proper word and decision and
act, ready and prompt as clockwork. Stocks and bonds, loans and mortgages,
margins and securities—here was a world of finance, and there was no room in it
for the human world or the world of
nature.
業務處理越來越忙,節奏越來越快。麥克斯韋爾的顧客投資很大的股票中有六個遭到重創。下單買進賣出,來去疾如燕飛。麥克斯韋爾本人持有的一部分股票也危如累卵。他就像一台高速運轉、精密而強大的機器那樣工作著——精神綳緊到最大限度,開足馬力,准確精密,從不猶豫,言語、決策和行動都像發條裝置那般,准備充分,反應迅速。股票、債券、貸款、抵押、交易保證金和有價證券——這是一個金融世界,里頭沒有容納人類世界或是自然界的絲毫空隙。

When
the luncheon hour drew near there came a slight 36)lull in the
37)uproar.
午餐時間逐漸臨近,喧囂之中出現了片刻安靜。

Maxwell stood by his desk with
his hands full of telegrams and 38)memoranda, with a fountain pen over his right
ear and his hair hanging in disorderly strings over his forehead. And through
the window came a wandering—perhaps a lost—odour—a delicate, sweet odour of
lilac that fixed the broker for a moment immovable. For this odour belonged to
Miss Leslie; it was her own, and hers only. The odour brought her vividly,
almost tangibly before him. The world of finance dwindled suddenly to a
39)speck. And she was in the next room—twenty steps
away.
麥克斯韋爾站在辦公桌邊,手裡滿是電報和備忘便條,右耳上夾著一支鋼筆,一縷縷的頭發凌亂地垂在前額上。窗口飄進了一股四處徘徊的氣息——或許是一種失落的氣息——
一股優雅的丁香花香氣,剎那間,麥克斯韋爾給怔住了。因為這氣息來自萊絲麗小姐。是她的氣息,她獨有的氣息。芳香在他心中喚出了她的容貌,栩栩如生,幾乎伸手可及。金融世界轉瞬間縮成一小斑點。而她就在隔壁房間,僅二十步之遙。


「40)By George, I』ll do it now,」 said Maxwell, half aloud. 「I』ll ask her now. I
wonder why I didn』t do it long ago.」 He dashed into the inner office. He charged
upon the desk of the
stenographer.
「真的,我現在就得去,」麥克斯韋爾幾乎喊了出來,「我現在就去問她。我怎麼沒早點兒想起呢?」他箭步沖進里間辦公室,向速記員的辦公桌沖過去。

She
looked up at him with a smile. A soft pink crept over her cheek, and her eyes
were kind and frank. Maxwell leaned one elbow on her desk. He still clutched
fluttering papers with both hands and the pen was above his
ear.
她抬起頭,微笑地看著他,臉頰泛出淡淡紅暈,眼裡流露出溫柔和坦誠。麥克斯韋爾一隻胳膊撐在她桌上,手上依然握著晃動著的文件紙張,耳朵上還夾著那支鋼筆。

「Miss
Leslie,」 he began hurriedly, 「I have but a moment to spare. I want to say
something in that moment. Will you be my wife? I haven』t had time to make love
to you in the ordinary way, but I really do love you. Talk quick, please—those
fellows are 41)clubbing the stuffing out of Union
Pacific.」
「萊絲麗小姐,」他匆匆開口說,「我只能抽出這么點時間。趁這個機會跟你說幾句話。你願意做我的妻子嗎?我沒有時間以常人的方式跟你談情說愛,但是我確實愛你。請快回答我——那幫人正在設法打垮聯合太平洋鐵路公司呢。」

「Oh,
what are you talking about?」 exclaimed the young lady. She rose to her feet and
gazed upon him, round-eyed.
「喔,你在說什麼呀?」
年輕女人嚷道。她站起來,直愣愣地盯著他,眼睛睜得圓圓的。

「Don』t you understand?」 said Maxwell,
42)restively. 「I want you to marry me. I love you, Miss Leslie. I wanted to tell
you, and I snatched a minute when things had 43)slackened up a bit. They』re
calling me for the phone now. Tell 』em to wait a minute, Pitcher. Won』t you,
Miss
Leslie?」
「你不明白嗎?」麥克斯韋爾倔頭倔腦地說,「我想要你嫁給我。我愛你,萊絲麗小姐。我早就想對你說了,所以工作沒那麼緊張時就抽空跑來。他們現在又打電話找我了。皮徹,讓他們等一會兒。萊絲麗小姐,你願意嗎?」

The
stenographer acted very queerly. At first she seemed overcome with amazement;
then tears flowed from her wondering eyes; and then she smiled sunnily through
them, and one of her arms slid tenderly about the broker』s
neck.
速記員的舉動很奇怪。起先,她似乎驚愕萬分;接著,淚水從她那充滿詫異的眼睛裡流了下來;之後,透過晶瑩的淚花,她展露出陽光般燦爛的笑容,一條胳膊溫柔地摟住經紀人的脖子。

「I
know now,」 she said, softly. 「It』s this old business that has driven everything
else out of your head. I was frightened at first. Don』t you remember, Harvey? We
were married yesterday evening at 8 o』clock in the Little Church Around the
Corner.」

「現在我懂了,」她柔聲說道,「是這破買賣讓你啥都忘了。起初我還很害怕呢。難道你不記得了嗎?哈維,我們昨晚八點鍾在『街角的小教堂』里舉行過婚禮了。」