长篇英语搞笑故事带翻译

⑴ 英语幽默小故事带翻译200字以上10篇

1. Midway Tactics
Three competing store owners rented adjoining shops in a mall. Observers waited for mayhem to ensue.
The retailer on the right put up huge signs saying, "Gigantic Sale!" and "Super Bargains!"
The store on the left raised bigger signs proclaiming, "Prices Slashed!" and "Fantastic Discounts!"
The owner in the middle then prepared a large sign that simply stated, "ENTRANCE".
中间战术
三个互相争生意的商店老板在一条商业街上租用了毗邻的店铺。旁观者等着瞧好戏。
右边的零售商挂起了巨大的招牌，上书：“大减价!”“特便宜!”
左边的商店挂出了更大的招牌，声称：“大砍价!”“大折扣!”
中间的商人随后准备了一个大招牌，上面只简单地写着：“入口处”。
2. Very Pleased to Meet You
During World War II, a lot of young women in Britain were in the army. Joan Phillips was one of them. She worked in a big camp, and of course met a lot of men, officers and soldiers.
One evening she met Captain Humphreys at a dance. He said to her, "I“m going abroad tomorrow, but I“d be very happy if we could write to each other." Joan agreed, and they wrote for several months.
Then his letters stopped, but she received one from another officer, telling her that he had been wounded and was in a certain army hospital in England.
Joan went there and said to the matron, "I“ve come to visit Captain Humphreys."
"Only relatives are allowed to visit patients here," the matron said.
"Oh, that“s all right," answered Joan. "I“m his sister."
"I“m very pleased to meet you," the matron said, "I“m his mother!"
在第二次世界大战中，有许多年轻的妇女在军营中服役。琼.飞利浦斯是其中之一。她在一个大军营中工作，当然遇到了许多男士，包括军官和士兵。
一天晚上她在舞会上遇到了军官汉弗雷斯。他对她说，"我明天就要出国，但如果我们能够相互写信，我会很高兴。"琼同意了，于是他们几个月里一直通着信。
后来，他再没有来信。她收到了另一个军官的信，告诉她，他受伤了，住在英格兰的某个部队医院里。
琼到了医院，她对护士长说，"我来看望军官汉弗雷斯。"
"这里只有亲属可以探望病人。"护士长说。
"噢，是的，"琼说，"我是他的妹妹。"
"很高兴认识你，"护士长说，"我是他的母亲。"
希望能帮助到您，望采纳！

⑵ 英语幽默故事带翻译

这样可以吗 ？

Teacher:Why are you late for school every morning?

Tom:Every time I come to the corner,a sign says,"School-Go slow".

老师:为什么你每天早晨都迟到?
汤姆:每当我经过学校的拐角处,就看见一个牌子上写着"学校----慢行".
A Good Boy

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."

好孩子

小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。
“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”
“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？”
“她是个卖糖果的。”

Drunk

One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk."
"But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"

醉酒

一天，父亲与小儿子一道回家。这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄，老是有提不完的问题。他向父亲发问道：“爸爸，‘醉’字是什么意思？” “唔，孩子，”父亲回答说，“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成了四个，那么我就算醉了。” “可是，爸爸， ”孩子说，“那儿只有一个警察呀！”

⑶ 很长很长的幽默性的英语故事带翻译

1.Lady
First
女士优先
A
teacher
asked
her
class:
"Is
the
sentence
'
The
ox
and
the
cow
are
in
the
fields'
correct?"
Most
of
the
children
said:
"Yes,
it
is
all
right!"
And
only
one
little
boy
said:
"No,
it
is
not
correct.
The
lady
must
be
mentioned
first."
女士优先
一位老师问班上的学生：”公牛和母牛在田里“这个句子内对吗？”
大多数学生回答容说：“对，一点不错。”
只有一个小男孩说：“不对，应该先说女士。”
2.Where
is
the
egg?
Teacher:Can
you
make
a
sentence
with
the
word
"egg"?
Student:Yes.I
ate
a
piece
of
cake
yesterday.
Teacher:Then
where
is
the
“egg"?
Student:In
the
cake,Sir.
鸡蛋在哪里？
老师：你能用“鸡蛋”一词造句吗？
学生：可以。我昨天吃了一块蛋糕。
老师：“鸡蛋”在哪？
学生：在蛋糕里，先生。

⑷ 大学生3分钟英语搞笑故事带翻译

The Policeman and the Thief
Once, a new policeman caught a thief in a small town, and decided to bring him back to the police station in the city. On their way they came to a shop where bread was sold. “ We have no food, and we must be hungry after a while. Let me go into the shop and buy some bread for us. Wait here for me.” The thief said.
The policeman agreed with him and waited in the street for a long time , but thief didn’t come out of the shop. The policeman began to be worried ,and ran into the shop, he couldn’t see the thief but the back door of the shop.
The policeman had to go back to the police station alone, and he was very unhappy.
Luckily, the policeman caught the thief at the same place the next day. When.they walked though the same street and the same shop, “ Wait here,” said the policeman “ Last time you ran away from the shop. This time , I’ll go into the shop and buy the bread , and you must wait here for me.”

警察与小偷
一次， 一个新上任的警察在小镇上抓住了一个小偷，他决定把这小偷押送到城里警察局去。在路上，他们路过了一家面包店。“我们没带吃的，呆会儿肯定会饿的，让我去给咱们买点面包。你在这等等我啊。”小偷说道。
警察同意了，并在街上等了很长一段时间，但是，小偷一直没有从商店出来。警察开始担心了，他跑进商店，除了一扇开着的后门，他什么也没看见。
警察不得不很郁闷的独自回到了警察局。
幸运的是第二天，他在同一地方又抓住了那小偷。当他们路过同一条街，同一家商店时，“在这等着我，”警察说道，“上次，你从这家商店溜了，这次，我去买面包，你必须在这等我！”

⑸ 求一个简单的英语幽默小故事,不要太长. 英语加翻译

Tom has two apples.He ate one and ask Jim "how mang apples do I have now?".Jim answered quickly"very easy,one."But Tom said"no ,I have two .One is inside and the other is outside.
汤姆有两个苹果.他吃了一个,然后问吉姆“我现在有几个苹果?”吉姆很快的版回答说“太简权单了,一个嘛.”但是汤姆说“不对,我有两个.一个在里面（肚子里）一个在外面.

⑹ 英语幽默小故事50字左右（带翻译）

1. Q: Why won’t the elephant use the computer?

为什么大象不玩电脑？

A: He’s afraid of the mouse!

他害怕老鼠！

鼠标和老鼠的英文皆为mouse。

mouse [maʊs]n. 鼠标；老鼠；胆小羞怯的人

2.A much worried patiant walked into the doctor's office and asked for help。

"Doctor, I don't know what to do. I accidentally drank a bottle of gasoline yesterday."

"Oh, don't worry! All you have to remember is not to smoke in the next few days." The doctor said.

一位很焦急的病人走到医生办公室寻求帮助。

“医生，我不知道该怎么办。昨天我不小心喝下了一瓶汽油。”

“哦，不用担心。你一定要牢记未来几天不要吸烟就行了。”医生说。

3.A man was hit by a cab in the street.

He was brought to the hospital.

His wife who was standing up by his bed, said to the doctor: "I think that he is very ill."

"I am afraid that he is dead."said the doctor,

Hearing this, the man moved his head and said: "I'm not dead. I'm still alive."

"Be quiet, "said the wife. "the doctor knows better than you!"

一个男人在街上被出租车撞倒送进了医院.

他的妻子站在他的床前对医生说:"我想他伤得很厉害."

医生说:"我怕他已经死了."

听到医生的话,这个男人转动着头说:"我没死,我还活着."

妻子说:"安静,医生比你懂得多."

4.A man goes to church and starts talking to God.

He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?"

And God says: "A penny".

Then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?"

And God says: "a second",

Then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?"

And God says "In a second".

一男子进入教堂和上帝对话.

他问:"主啊, 一百万美元对你意味着多少?"

上帝回答:"一便士."

男子又问:"那一百万年呢?"

上帝说:"一秒钟."

最后男子请求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士吗?"

上帝回答:"过一秒钟."

5.Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny?

Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.

Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?

Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.

汤姆：约翰尼，你小弟弟好吗？

约翰尼：他害病卧床了。他受了伤。

汤姆：真糟糕，怎么回事儿？

约翰尼：我们做游戏，看谁能把身子探出窗外最远，他赢了。

6.Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?"
"A kid bit me," replied Ivan.
"Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother.
"I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket."

他的耳朵在我衣兜里

伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问，“发生了什么事？”

“一个男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡说。

“再见到他你能认出来吗？”妈妈问。

“他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说。“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。”

⑺ 长篇的比较搞笑的英语故事和翻译

Pitcher, 2)confidential clerk in the office of Harvey Maxwell, broker, allowed a
look of mild interest and surprise to visit his usually expressionless
3)countenance when his employer 4)briskly entered at half past nine in company
with his young lady5)stenographer. With a 6)snappy “Good-morning, Pitcher,”
Maxwell dashed at his desk as though he were intending to leap over it, and then
plunged into the great heap of letters and telegrams waiting there for
him.
九点半时,股票经纪人哈维·麦克斯韦尔在年轻女速记员的陪同下精神抖擞地走进办公室。他事务所里的机要秘书皮彻那通常毫无表情的脸上不禁露出一丝好奇和诧异。麦克斯韦尔精力充沛地喊了声“早啊,皮彻”,就朝他的办公桌冲去,仿佛要跳过它似的。接着,他就一头扎进一大堆等着他处理的信件和电报里。

The
young lady had been Maxwell’s stenographer for a year. She was beautiful in a
way that was 7)decidedly unstenographic. She 8)forwent the 9)pomp of the
alluring 10)pompadour. She wore no chains, bracelets or 11)lockets. She had not
the air of being about to accept an invitation to luncheon. Her dress was grey
and plain, but it fitted her figure with 12)fidelity and discretion. In her neat
black 13)turban hat was the gold-green wing of a 14)macaw. On this morning she
was softly and shyly radiant. Her eyes were dreamily bright, her cheeks genuine
15)peachblow, her expression a happy one, 16)tinged with
reminiscence.
那位年轻姑娘给麦克斯韦尔当速记员已经有一年了。她的美绝非速记员草草几笔所能简单描述。她不梳那种华丽诱人的庞帕杜高卷式发型,也不戴项链、手镯或盒式小坠子。她脸上没有那种受邀准备参加午宴的神气。她的灰色裙子素净,但相当合身,显身材又不失大方庄重。她那顶简洁的黑色无边帽上插了根金绿色的金刚鹦鹉毛。这个上午,她身上焕发出一种温柔而羞怯的光彩,双眼流波闪烁,脸颊直泛桃红,脸上带着幸福的神色和丝丝怀想。

Pitcher, still mildly curious, noticed a difference in her ways this
morning. Instead of going straight into the adjoining room, where her desk was,
she lingered, slightly irresolute, in the outer office. Once she moved over by
Maxwell’s desk, near enough for him to be aware of her presence.

皮彻仍旧有点好奇,他注意到她这个上午的举止有些异样。她不像往常那样径直走进麦克斯韦尔办公室隔壁那房间(她办公桌在那儿),而是在办公室外间略带迟疑地徘徊。她还一度走近麦克斯韦尔的办公桌,近得足以让他意识到她的存在。

The machine sitting at that desk was no longer a man; it was a busy New
York broker, moved by buzzing wheels and 17)uncoiling
springs.
坐在办公桌前的不再是个常人,简直成了台机器。那是忙碌的纽约股票经纪人,一台上满发条运作起来齿轮吱吱响的机器。

“Well—what is it? Anything?” asked Maxwell sharply. His opened mail
lay like a bank of stage snow on his crowded desk. His keen grey eye, impersonal
and 18)brusque, flashed upon her half impatiently.
“Nothing,” answered the
stenographer, moving away with a little smile.
“Mr. Pitcher,” she said to
the confidential clerk, “did Mr. Maxwell say anything yesterday about engaging
another stenographer?”
“He did,” answered Pitcher. “He told me to get
another one. I notified the agency yesterday afternoon to send over a few
samples this morning. It’s 9:45 o’clock, and not a single 19)picture hat or
piece of pineapple chewing gum has showed up yet.”

“噢——怎么?有事吗?”麦克斯韦尔径直问道。他那些拆开了的信件躺在那张堆满东西的办公桌上,好像舞台上的一层人造雪。他那双锐利的灰色眼睛半带厌烦地扫了她一眼,显得不近人情且粗暴无礼。

“没什么,”速记员回答说,然后笑了笑走开了。
“皮彻先生,” 她对机要秘书说,“麦克斯韦尔先生昨天有没提过另外雇一名速记员的事?”

“提过。”皮彻答道,“他吩咐我另外找一个。昨天下午,我已通知速记员介绍所,让他们今天上午介绍几个来面试。现在已经九点四十五了,还没见着哪个戴阔边帽的或嚼菠萝口香糖的人呢。”

“I will do the work as usual, then,” said the young lady, “until
someone comes to fill the place.” And she went to her desk at once and hung the
black turban hat with the gold-green macaw wing in its accustomed
place.
“那我还是照常工作好啦,” 那年轻女子说道,“直到有人来顶替我这工作。”
她立刻走到自己的办公桌前,把那顶插着金绿色金刚鹦鹉毛的黑色无边帽挂在老地方。

And this day was Harvey
Maxwell’s busy day. The 20)ticker began to 21)reel out 22)jerkily its 23)fitful
24)coils of tape, the desk telephone had a chronic attack of buzzing. Men began
to throng into the office and call at him over the railing, jovially, sharply,
viciously, excitedly. Messenger boys ran in and out with messages and telegrams.
The clerks in the office jumped about like sailors ring a storm. Maxwell
shoved his chair against the wall and transacted business after the manner of a
25)toe dancer. He jumped from ticker to phone, from desk to door with the
trained 26)agility of a
27)harlequin.
今天是哈维·麦克斯韦尔的一个大忙天。股票行情自动收录器开始像犯痉挛似地断断续续地吐出卷卷纸带,桌上的电话像害了慢性病似的不时作响。人们开始涌入办公室,隔着扶手栏杆朝他大喊大叫,有的欣喜若狂,有的尖声厉词,有的满怀敌意,有的激动不已。信童跑进跑出传信传电报。办公室里的职员们忙得跳来跳去,活像风暴来临时船上的水手。麦克斯韦尔把椅子猛推到墙边,如芭蕾舞者踮着脚尖跳舞般敏捷地处理业务,一下从股票行情自动收录器跳到电话机旁,一下又从办公桌边跳到门口,其灵活度不亚于受过专门训练的滑稽丑角。

In the midst of this growing and important stress, the broker became
suddenly aware of a high-rolled 28)fringe of golden hair under a nodding
29)canopy of velvet and 30)ostrich tips, an imitation sealskin 31)sacque and a
string of beads as large as 32)hickory nuts, ending near the floor with a silver
heart. There was a 33)self-possessed young lady connected with these
accessories; and Pitcher was there to construe
her.
就在这个愈发紧张和重要的时刻,经纪人突然注意到一顶带鸵鸟毛羽饰、微微抖动的丝绒帽下那高高卷起的金发刘海,一件宽大的人造海豹皮上衣,一串用大如山核桃的珠子穿成,吊着个心形银坠,几乎垂到地板上的珠链。穿戴这些衣饰的是一个沉着镇定的年轻女子。皮彻正准备介绍她。

“Lady from the Stenographer’s Agency to see about the position,” said
Pitcher.
Maxwell turned half around, with his hands full of papers and
ticker tape. “What position?” he asked, with a frown.
“Position of
stenographer,” said Pitcher. “You told me yesterday to call them up and have one
sent over this morning.”
“You are losing your mind, Pitcher,” said
Maxwell. “Why should I have given you any such instructions? Miss Leslie has
given perfect satisfaction ring the year she has been here. The place is hers
as long as she chooses to retain it. There’s no place open here, madam.
Countermand that order with the agency, Pitcher, and don’t bring any more of ’em
in here.”
“这位小姐是速记员介绍所介绍过来的,应聘速记员一职。”皮彻说道。

麦克斯韦尔半转过身,双手满是纸张和写着股票行情的纸带。“什么职位?”他皱着眉头问道。

“速记员。”皮彻说,“昨天你吩咐我给他们打电话,叫他们今天上午介绍一个人过来。”

“皮彻,你犯糊涂了吧?”麦克斯韦尔说,“我怎么会叫你这样做呢?莱丝丽小姐在这儿工作的一年里令人十分满意。只要她愿意干下去,这个职位永远是她的。小姐,这儿没有职位空缺。皮彻,通知介绍所取消招聘,叫他们别再介绍人过来。”

The silver heart left the office, swinging and banging itself
independently against the office furniture as it indignantly departed. Pitcher
seized a moment to remark to the bookkeeper that the “34)old man” seemed to get
more absent-minded and forgetful every day of the world.

那心形银坠离开了办公室,一路上愤愤不平,自个儿晃晃悠悠地撞上了办公室里的家具,撞得乒乓作响。皮彻忙中偷闲对簿记员说,“头儿”似乎一天比一天心不在焉,且越发健忘。

The rush and pace of business grew fiercer and faster. On the floor they
were pounding half a dozen stocks in which Maxwell’s customers were heavy
investors. Orders to buy and sell were coming and going as swift as the flight
of swallows. Some of his own holdings were 35)imperiled, and the man was working
like some high-geared, delicate, strong machine—strung to full tension, going at
full speed, accurate, never hesitating, with the proper word and decision and
act, ready and prompt as clockwork. Stocks and bonds, loans and mortgages,
margins and securities—here was a world of finance, and there was no room in it
for the human world or the world of
nature.
业务处理越来越忙,节奏越来越快。麦克斯韦尔的顾客投资很大的股票中有六个遭到重创。下单买进卖出,来去疾如燕飞。麦克斯韦尔本人持有的一部分股票也危如累卵。他就像一台高速运转、精密而强大的机器那样工作着——精神绷紧到最大限度,开足马力,准确精密,从不犹豫,言语、决策和行动都像发条装置那般,准备充分,反应迅速。股票、债券、贷款、抵押、交易保证金和有价证券——这是一个金融世界,里头没有容纳人类世界或是自然界的丝毫空隙。

When
the luncheon hour drew near there came a slight 36)lull in the
37)uproar.
午餐时间逐渐临近,喧嚣之中出现了片刻安静。

Maxwell stood by his desk with
his hands full of telegrams and 38)memoranda, with a fountain pen over his right
ear and his hair hanging in disorderly strings over his forehead. And through
the window came a wandering—perhaps a lost—odour—a delicate, sweet odour of
lilac that fixed the broker for a moment immovable. For this odour belonged to
Miss Leslie; it was her own, and hers only. The odour brought her vividly,
almost tangibly before him. The world of finance dwindled suddenly to a
39)speck. And she was in the next room—twenty steps
away.
麦克斯韦尔站在办公桌边,手里满是电报和备忘便条,右耳上夹着一支钢笔,一缕缕的头发凌乱地垂在前额上。窗口飘进了一股四处徘徊的气息——或许是一种失落的气息——
一股优雅的丁香花香气,刹那间,麦克斯韦尔给怔住了。因为这气息来自莱丝丽小姐。是她的气息,她独有的气息。芳香在他心中唤出了她的容貌,栩栩如生,几乎伸手可及。金融世界转瞬间缩成一小斑点。而她就在隔壁房间,仅二十步之遥。


“40)By George, I’ll do it now,” said Maxwell, half aloud. “I’ll ask her now. I
wonder why I didn’t do it long ago.” He dashed into the inner office. He charged
upon the desk of the
stenographer.
“真的,我现在就得去,”麦克斯韦尔几乎喊了出来,“我现在就去问她。我怎么没早点儿想起呢?”他箭步冲进里间办公室,向速记员的办公桌冲过去。

She
looked up at him with a smile. A soft pink crept over her cheek, and her eyes
were kind and frank. Maxwell leaned one elbow on her desk. He still clutched
fluttering papers with both hands and the pen was above his
ear.
她抬起头,微笑地看着他,脸颊泛出淡淡红晕,眼里流露出温柔和坦诚。麦克斯韦尔一只胳膊撑在她桌上,手上依然握着晃动着的文件纸张,耳朵上还夹着那支钢笔。

“Miss
Leslie,” he began hurriedly, “I have but a moment to spare. I want to say
something in that moment. Will you be my wife? I haven’t had time to make love
to you in the ordinary way, but I really do love you. Talk quick, please—those
fellows are 41)clubbing the stuffing out of Union
Pacific.”
“莱丝丽小姐,”他匆匆开口说,“我只能抽出这么点时间。趁这个机会跟你说几句话。你愿意做我的妻子吗?我没有时间以常人的方式跟你谈情说爱,但是我确实爱你。请快回答我——那帮人正在设法打垮联合太平洋铁路公司呢。”

“Oh,
what are you talking about?” exclaimed the young lady. She rose to her feet and
gazed upon him, round-eyed.
“喔,你在说什么呀?”
年轻女人嚷道。她站起来,直愣愣地盯着他,眼睛睁得圆圆的。

“Don’t you understand?” said Maxwell,
42)restively. “I want you to marry me. I love you, Miss Leslie. I wanted to tell
you, and I snatched a minute when things had 43)slackened up a bit. They’re
calling me for the phone now. Tell ’em to wait a minute, Pitcher. Won’t you,
Miss
Leslie?”
“你不明白吗?”麦克斯韦尔倔头倔脑地说,“我想要你嫁给我。我爱你,莱丝丽小姐。我早就想对你说了,所以工作没那么紧张时就抽空跑来。他们现在又打电话找我了。皮彻,让他们等一会儿。莱丝丽小姐,你愿意吗?”

The
stenographer acted very queerly. At first she seemed overcome with amazement;
then tears flowed from her wondering eyes; and then she smiled sunnily through
them, and one of her arms slid tenderly about the broker’s
neck.
速记员的举动很奇怪。起先,她似乎惊愕万分;接着,泪水从她那充满诧异的眼睛里流了下来;之后,透过晶莹的泪花,她展露出阳光般灿烂的笑容,一条胳膊温柔地搂住经纪人的脖子。

“I
know now,” she said, softly. “It’s this old business that has driven everything
else out of your head. I was frightened at first. Don’t you remember, Harvey? We
were married yesterday evening at 8 o’clock in the Little Church Around the
Corner.”

“现在我懂了,”她柔声说道,“是这破买卖让你啥都忘了。起初我还很害怕呢。难道你不记得了吗?哈维,我们昨晚八点钟在‘街角的小教堂’里举行过婚礼了。”