搞笑故事英语翻译

A. 一些搞笑的故事，适合翻译成英文的

小杰克聪明吗？ 史密斯先生的院子里有一颗芒果树。一天，他怀疑邻居家的孩子们会爬树摘那些熟了的好吃的果子，于是就把他的宠物猴子留在树上看着这棵树。这使得孩子们无法靠近这棵树——至少是大部分孩子。然而这并没有难倒小杰克，他想了一个好主意拿到史密斯先生的芒果。他用石头扔猴子，猴子变得很生气，于是它用芒果回击小杰克。 Is Little Jack Clever ? There was a mango tree in Mr Smith 's yard . One day , suspecting thechildren in the neighborhood would try to climb his tree for those deliciousripe fruits , he left his pet monkey out in the tree to guard it . This keptthe children away from the tree ----at least , most of the children . However,it did not bother little Jack . He thought of a good idea to get Mr Smith 'smangoes . He threw stones at the monkey , who became very angry and threwmangoes back at little Jack .

B. 英语幽默小故事50字左右（带翻译）

1. Q: Why won’t the elephant use the computer?

为什么大象不玩电脑？

A: He’s afraid of the mouse!

他害怕老鼠！

鼠标和老鼠的英文皆为mouse。

mouse [maʊs]n. 鼠标；老鼠；胆小羞怯的人

2.A much worried patiant walked into the doctor's office and asked for help。

"Doctor, I don't know what to do. I accidentally drank a bottle of gasoline yesterday."

"Oh, don't worry! All you have to remember is not to smoke in the next few days." The doctor said.

一位很焦急的病人走到医生办公室寻求帮助。

“医生，我不知道该怎么办。昨天我不小心喝下了一瓶汽油。”

“哦，不用担心。你一定要牢记未来几天不要吸烟就行了。”医生说。

3.A man was hit by a cab in the street.

He was brought to the hospital.

His wife who was standing up by his bed, said to the doctor: "I think that he is very ill."

"I am afraid that he is dead."said the doctor,

Hearing this, the man moved his head and said: "I'm not dead. I'm still alive."

"Be quiet, "said the wife. "the doctor knows better than you!"

一个男人在街上被出租车撞倒送进了医院.

他的妻子站在他的床前对医生说:"我想他伤得很厉害."

医生说:"我怕他已经死了."

听到医生的话,这个男人转动着头说:"我没死,我还活着."

妻子说:"安静,医生比你懂得多."

4.A man goes to church and starts talking to God.

He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?"

And God says: "A penny".

Then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?"

And God says: "a second",

Then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?"

And God says "In a second".

一男子进入教堂和上帝对话.

他问:"主啊, 一百万美元对你意味着多少?"

上帝回答:"一便士."

男子又问:"那一百万年呢?"

上帝说:"一秒钟."

最后男子请求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士吗?"

上帝回答:"过一秒钟."

5.Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny?

Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.

Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?

Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.

汤姆：约翰尼，你小弟弟好吗？

约翰尼：他害病卧床了。他受了伤。

汤姆：真糟糕，怎么回事儿？

约翰尼：我们做游戏，看谁能把身子探出窗外最远，他赢了。

6.Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?"
"A kid bit me," replied Ivan.
"Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother.
"I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket."

他的耳朵在我衣兜里

伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问，“发生了什么事？”

“一个男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡说。

“再见到他你能认出来吗？”妈妈问。

“他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说。“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。”

C. 长篇的比较搞笑的英语故事和翻译

Pitcher, 2)confidential clerk in the office of Harvey Maxwell, broker, allowed a
look of mild interest and surprise to visit his usually expressionless
3)countenance when his employer 4)briskly entered at half past nine in company
with his young lady5)stenographer. With a 6)snappy “Good-morning, Pitcher,”
Maxwell dashed at his desk as though he were intending to leap over it, and then
plunged into the great heap of letters and telegrams waiting there for
him.
九点半时,股票经纪人哈维·麦克斯韦尔在年轻女速记员的陪同下精神抖擞地走进办公室。他事务所里的机要秘书皮彻那通常毫无表情的脸上不禁露出一丝好奇和诧异。麦克斯韦尔精力充沛地喊了声“早啊,皮彻”,就朝他的办公桌冲去,仿佛要跳过它似的。接着,他就一头扎进一大堆等着他处理的信件和电报里。

The
young lady had been Maxwell’s stenographer for a year. She was beautiful in a
way that was 7)decidedly unstenographic. She 8)forwent the 9)pomp of the
alluring 10)pompadour. She wore no chains, bracelets or 11)lockets. She had not
the air of being about to accept an invitation to luncheon. Her dress was grey
and plain, but it fitted her figure with 12)fidelity and discretion. In her neat
black 13)turban hat was the gold-green wing of a 14)macaw. On this morning she
was softly and shyly radiant. Her eyes were dreamily bright, her cheeks genuine
15)peachblow, her expression a happy one, 16)tinged with
reminiscence.
那位年轻姑娘给麦克斯韦尔当速记员已经有一年了。她的美绝非速记员草草几笔所能简单描述。她不梳那种华丽诱人的庞帕杜高卷式发型,也不戴项链、手镯或盒式小坠子。她脸上没有那种受邀准备参加午宴的神气。她的灰色裙子素净,但相当合身,显身材又不失大方庄重。她那顶简洁的黑色无边帽上插了根金绿色的金刚鹦鹉毛。这个上午,她身上焕发出一种温柔而羞怯的光彩,双眼流波闪烁,脸颊直泛桃红,脸上带着幸福的神色和丝丝怀想。

Pitcher, still mildly curious, noticed a difference in her ways this
morning. Instead of going straight into the adjoining room, where her desk was,
she lingered, slightly irresolute, in the outer office. Once she moved over by
Maxwell’s desk, near enough for him to be aware of her presence.

皮彻仍旧有点好奇,他注意到她这个上午的举止有些异样。她不像往常那样径直走进麦克斯韦尔办公室隔壁那房间(她办公桌在那儿),而是在办公室外间略带迟疑地徘徊。她还一度走近麦克斯韦尔的办公桌,近得足以让他意识到她的存在。

The machine sitting at that desk was no longer a man; it was a busy New
York broker, moved by buzzing wheels and 17)uncoiling
springs.
坐在办公桌前的不再是个常人,简直成了台机器。那是忙碌的纽约股票经纪人,一台上满发条运作起来齿轮吱吱响的机器。

“Well—what is it? Anything?” asked Maxwell sharply. His opened mail
lay like a bank of stage snow on his crowded desk. His keen grey eye, impersonal
and 18)brusque, flashed upon her half impatiently.
“Nothing,” answered the
stenographer, moving away with a little smile.
“Mr. Pitcher,” she said to
the confidential clerk, “did Mr. Maxwell say anything yesterday about engaging
another stenographer?”
“He did,” answered Pitcher. “He told me to get
another one. I notified the agency yesterday afternoon to send over a few
samples this morning. It’s 9:45 o’clock, and not a single 19)picture hat or
piece of pineapple chewing gum has showed up yet.”

“噢——怎么?有事吗?”麦克斯韦尔径直问道。他那些拆开了的信件躺在那张堆满东西的办公桌上,好像舞台上的一层人造雪。他那双锐利的灰色眼睛半带厌烦地扫了她一眼,显得不近人情且粗暴无礼。

“没什么,”速记员回答说,然后笑了笑走开了。
“皮彻先生,” 她对机要秘书说,“麦克斯韦尔先生昨天有没提过另外雇一名速记员的事?”

“提过。”皮彻答道,“他吩咐我另外找一个。昨天下午,我已通知速记员介绍所,让他们今天上午介绍几个来面试。现在已经九点四十五了,还没见着哪个戴阔边帽的或嚼菠萝口香糖的人呢。”

“I will do the work as usual, then,” said the young lady, “until
someone comes to fill the place.” And she went to her desk at once and hung the
black turban hat with the gold-green macaw wing in its accustomed
place.
“那我还是照常工作好啦,” 那年轻女子说道,“直到有人来顶替我这工作。”
她立刻走到自己的办公桌前,把那顶插着金绿色金刚鹦鹉毛的黑色无边帽挂在老地方。

And this day was Harvey
Maxwell’s busy day. The 20)ticker began to 21)reel out 22)jerkily its 23)fitful
24)coils of tape, the desk telephone had a chronic attack of buzzing. Men began
to throng into the office and call at him over the railing, jovially, sharply,
viciously, excitedly. Messenger boys ran in and out with messages and telegrams.
The clerks in the office jumped about like sailors ring a storm. Maxwell
shoved his chair against the wall and transacted business after the manner of a
25)toe dancer. He jumped from ticker to phone, from desk to door with the
trained 26)agility of a
27)harlequin.
今天是哈维·麦克斯韦尔的一个大忙天。股票行情自动收录器开始像犯痉挛似地断断续续地吐出卷卷纸带,桌上的电话像害了慢性病似的不时作响。人们开始涌入办公室,隔着扶手栏杆朝他大喊大叫,有的欣喜若狂,有的尖声厉词,有的满怀敌意,有的激动不已。信童跑进跑出传信传电报。办公室里的职员们忙得跳来跳去,活像风暴来临时船上的水手。麦克斯韦尔把椅子猛推到墙边,如芭蕾舞者踮着脚尖跳舞般敏捷地处理业务,一下从股票行情自动收录器跳到电话机旁,一下又从办公桌边跳到门口,其灵活度不亚于受过专门训练的滑稽丑角。

In the midst of this growing and important stress, the broker became
suddenly aware of a high-rolled 28)fringe of golden hair under a nodding
29)canopy of velvet and 30)ostrich tips, an imitation sealskin 31)sacque and a
string of beads as large as 32)hickory nuts, ending near the floor with a silver
heart. There was a 33)self-possessed young lady connected with these
accessories; and Pitcher was there to construe
her.
就在这个愈发紧张和重要的时刻,经纪人突然注意到一顶带鸵鸟毛羽饰、微微抖动的丝绒帽下那高高卷起的金发刘海,一件宽大的人造海豹皮上衣,一串用大如山核桃的珠子穿成,吊着个心形银坠,几乎垂到地板上的珠链。穿戴这些衣饰的是一个沉着镇定的年轻女子。皮彻正准备介绍她。

“Lady from the Stenographer’s Agency to see about the position,” said
Pitcher.
Maxwell turned half around, with his hands full of papers and
ticker tape. “What position?” he asked, with a frown.
“Position of
stenographer,” said Pitcher. “You told me yesterday to call them up and have one
sent over this morning.”
“You are losing your mind, Pitcher,” said
Maxwell. “Why should I have given you any such instructions? Miss Leslie has
given perfect satisfaction ring the year she has been here. The place is hers
as long as she chooses to retain it. There’s no place open here, madam.
Countermand that order with the agency, Pitcher, and don’t bring any more of ’em
in here.”
“这位小姐是速记员介绍所介绍过来的,应聘速记员一职。”皮彻说道。

麦克斯韦尔半转过身,双手满是纸张和写着股票行情的纸带。“什么职位?”他皱着眉头问道。

“速记员。”皮彻说,“昨天你吩咐我给他们打电话,叫他们今天上午介绍一个人过来。”

“皮彻,你犯糊涂了吧?”麦克斯韦尔说,“我怎么会叫你这样做呢?莱丝丽小姐在这儿工作的一年里令人十分满意。只要她愿意干下去,这个职位永远是她的。小姐,这儿没有职位空缺。皮彻,通知介绍所取消招聘,叫他们别再介绍人过来。”

The silver heart left the office, swinging and banging itself
independently against the office furniture as it indignantly departed. Pitcher
seized a moment to remark to the bookkeeper that the “34)old man” seemed to get
more absent-minded and forgetful every day of the world.

那心形银坠离开了办公室,一路上愤愤不平,自个儿晃晃悠悠地撞上了办公室里的家具,撞得乒乓作响。皮彻忙中偷闲对簿记员说,“头儿”似乎一天比一天心不在焉,且越发健忘。

The rush and pace of business grew fiercer and faster. On the floor they
were pounding half a dozen stocks in which Maxwell’s customers were heavy
investors. Orders to buy and sell were coming and going as swift as the flight
of swallows. Some of his own holdings were 35)imperiled, and the man was working
like some high-geared, delicate, strong machine—strung to full tension, going at
full speed, accurate, never hesitating, with the proper word and decision and
act, ready and prompt as clockwork. Stocks and bonds, loans and mortgages,
margins and securities—here was a world of finance, and there was no room in it
for the human world or the world of
nature.
业务处理越来越忙,节奏越来越快。麦克斯韦尔的顾客投资很大的股票中有六个遭到重创。下单买进卖出,来去疾如燕飞。麦克斯韦尔本人持有的一部分股票也危如累卵。他就像一台高速运转、精密而强大的机器那样工作着——精神绷紧到最大限度,开足马力,准确精密,从不犹豫,言语、决策和行动都像发条装置那般,准备充分,反应迅速。股票、债券、贷款、抵押、交易保证金和有价证券——这是一个金融世界,里头没有容纳人类世界或是自然界的丝毫空隙。

When
the luncheon hour drew near there came a slight 36)lull in the
37)uproar.
午餐时间逐渐临近,喧嚣之中出现了片刻安静。

Maxwell stood by his desk with
his hands full of telegrams and 38)memoranda, with a fountain pen over his right
ear and his hair hanging in disorderly strings over his forehead. And through
the window came a wandering—perhaps a lost—odour—a delicate, sweet odour of
lilac that fixed the broker for a moment immovable. For this odour belonged to
Miss Leslie; it was her own, and hers only. The odour brought her vividly,
almost tangibly before him. The world of finance dwindled suddenly to a
39)speck. And she was in the next room—twenty steps
away.
麦克斯韦尔站在办公桌边,手里满是电报和备忘便条,右耳上夹着一支钢笔,一缕缕的头发凌乱地垂在前额上。窗口飘进了一股四处徘徊的气息——或许是一种失落的气息——
一股优雅的丁香花香气,刹那间,麦克斯韦尔给怔住了。因为这气息来自莱丝丽小姐。是她的气息,她独有的气息。芳香在他心中唤出了她的容貌,栩栩如生,几乎伸手可及。金融世界转瞬间缩成一小斑点。而她就在隔壁房间,仅二十步之遥。


“40)By George, I’ll do it now,” said Maxwell, half aloud. “I’ll ask her now. I
wonder why I didn’t do it long ago.” He dashed into the inner office. He charged
upon the desk of the
stenographer.
“真的,我现在就得去,”麦克斯韦尔几乎喊了出来,“我现在就去问她。我怎么没早点儿想起呢?”他箭步冲进里间办公室,向速记员的办公桌冲过去。

She
looked up at him with a smile. A soft pink crept over her cheek, and her eyes
were kind and frank. Maxwell leaned one elbow on her desk. He still clutched
fluttering papers with both hands and the pen was above his
ear.
她抬起头,微笑地看着他,脸颊泛出淡淡红晕,眼里流露出温柔和坦诚。麦克斯韦尔一只胳膊撑在她桌上,手上依然握着晃动着的文件纸张,耳朵上还夹着那支钢笔。

“Miss
Leslie,” he began hurriedly, “I have but a moment to spare. I want to say
something in that moment. Will you be my wife? I haven’t had time to make love
to you in the ordinary way, but I really do love you. Talk quick, please—those
fellows are 41)clubbing the stuffing out of Union
Pacific.”
“莱丝丽小姐,”他匆匆开口说,“我只能抽出这么点时间。趁这个机会跟你说几句话。你愿意做我的妻子吗?我没有时间以常人的方式跟你谈情说爱,但是我确实爱你。请快回答我——那帮人正在设法打垮联合太平洋铁路公司呢。”

“Oh,
what are you talking about?” exclaimed the young lady. She rose to her feet and
gazed upon him, round-eyed.
“喔,你在说什么呀?”
年轻女人嚷道。她站起来,直愣愣地盯着他,眼睛睁得圆圆的。

“Don’t you understand?” said Maxwell,
42)restively. “I want you to marry me. I love you, Miss Leslie. I wanted to tell
you, and I snatched a minute when things had 43)slackened up a bit. They’re
calling me for the phone now. Tell ’em to wait a minute, Pitcher. Won’t you,
Miss
Leslie?”
“你不明白吗?”麦克斯韦尔倔头倔脑地说,“我想要你嫁给我。我爱你,莱丝丽小姐。我早就想对你说了,所以工作没那么紧张时就抽空跑来。他们现在又打电话找我了。皮彻,让他们等一会儿。莱丝丽小姐,你愿意吗?”

The
stenographer acted very queerly. At first she seemed overcome with amazement;
then tears flowed from her wondering eyes; and then she smiled sunnily through
them, and one of her arms slid tenderly about the broker’s
neck.
速记员的举动很奇怪。起先,她似乎惊愕万分;接着,泪水从她那充满诧异的眼睛里流了下来;之后,透过晶莹的泪花,她展露出阳光般灿烂的笑容,一条胳膊温柔地搂住经纪人的脖子。

“I
know now,” she said, softly. “It’s this old business that has driven everything
else out of your head. I was frightened at first. Don’t you remember, Harvey? We
were married yesterday evening at 8 o’clock in the Little Church Around the
Corner.”

“现在我懂了,”她柔声说道,“是这破买卖让你啥都忘了。起初我还很害怕呢。难道你不记得了吗?哈维,我们昨晚八点钟在‘街角的小教堂’里举行过婚礼了。”

D. 英语幽默故事带翻译

The Old Cat
An old woman had a cat. The cat was very old; she could not run quickly, and she could not bite, because she was so old. One day the old cat saw a mouse; she jumped and caught the mouse. But she could not bite it; so the mouse got out of her mouth and ran away, because the cat could not bite it.

Then the old woman became very angry because the cat had not killed the mouse. She began to hit the cat. The cat said, "Do not hit your old servant. I have worked for you for many years, and I would work for you still, but I am too old. Do not be unkind to the old, but remember what good work the old did when they were young."

【译文】

老猫

一位老妇有只猫，这只猫很老，它跑不快了，也咬不了东西，因为它年纪太大了。一天，老猫发现一只老鼠，它跳过去抓这只老鼠，然而，它咬不住这只老鼠。因此，老鼠从它的嘴边溜掉了，因为老猫咬不了它。

于是，老妇很生气，因为老猫没有把老鼠咬死。她开始打这只猫，猫说：“不要打你的老仆人，我已经为你服务了很多年，而且还愿意为你效劳，但是，我实在太老了，对年纪大的不要这么无情，要记住老年人在年青时所做过的有益的事情。”

A man was going to the house of some rich person. As he went along the road, he saw a box of good apples at the side of the road. He said, "I do not want to eat those apples; for the rich man will give me much food; he will give me very nice food to eat." Then he took the apples and threw them away into the st.

He went on and came to a river. The river had become very big; so he could not go over it. He waited for some time; then he said, "I cannot go to the rich man's house today, for I cannot get over the river."

He began to go home. He had eaten no food that day. He began to want food. He came to the apples, and he was glad to take them out of the st and eat them.

Do not throw good things away; you may be glad to have them at some other time.

【译文】

一个人正朝着一个富人的房子走去，当他沿着路走时，在路的一边他发现一箱好苹果，他说：“我不打算吃那些苹果，因为富人会给我更多的食物，他会给我很好吃的东西。”然后他拿起苹果，一把扔到土里去。

他继续走，来到河边，河涨水了，因此，他到不了河对岸，他等了一会儿，然后他说：“今天我去不了富人家了，因为我不能渡过河。”

他开始回家，那天他没有吃东西。他就开始去找吃的，他找到苹果，很高兴地把它们从尘土中翻出来吃了。

不要把好东西扔掉，换个时候你会觉得它们大有用处。

The City Mouse and the Country Mouse

Once there were two mice. They were friends. One mouse lived in the country; the other mouse lived in the city. After many years the Country mouse saw the City mouse; he said, "Do come and see me at my house in the country." So the City mouse went. The City mouse said, "This food is not good, and your house is not good. Why do you live in a hole in the field? You should come and live in the city. You would live in a nice house made of stone. You would have nice food to eat. You must come and see me at my house in the city."

The Country mouse went to the house of the City mouse. It was a very good house. Nice food was set ready for them to eat. But just as they began to eat they heard a great noise. The City mouse cried, " Run! Run! The cat is coming!" They ran away quickly and hid.

After some time they came out. When they came out, the Country mouse said, "I do not like living in the city. I like living in my hole in the field. For it is nicer to be poor and happy, than to be rich and afraid."

【译文】

城里老鼠和乡下老鼠

从前，有两只老鼠，它们是好朋友。一只老鼠居住在乡村，另一只住在城里。很多年以后，乡下老鼠碰到城里老鼠，它说：“你一定要来我乡下的家看看。”于是，城里老鼠就去了。乡下老鼠领着它到了一块田地上它自己的家里。它把所有最精美食物都找出来给城里老鼠。城里老鼠说：“这东西不好吃，你的家也不好，你为什么住在田野的地洞里呢？你应该搬到城里去住，你能住上用石头造的漂亮房子，还会吃上美味佳肴，你应该到我城里的家看看。”

乡下老鼠就到城里老鼠的家去。房子十分漂亮，好吃的东西也为他们摆好了。可是正当他们要开始吃的时候，听见很大的一阵响声，城里的老鼠叫喊起来：“快跑！快跑！猫来了！”他们飞快地跑开躲藏起来。

过了一会儿，他们出来了。当他们出来时，乡下老鼠说：“我不喜欢住在城里，我喜欢住在田野我的洞里。因为这样虽然贫穷但是快乐自在，比起虽然富有却要过着提心吊胆的生活来说，要好些。”

Teacher:Why are you late for school every morning?

Tom:Every time I come to the corner,a sign says,"School-Go slow".

老师:为什么你每天早晨都迟到?
汤姆:每当我经过学校的拐角处,就看见一个牌子上写着"学校----慢行".
A Good Boy

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."

好孩子

小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。
“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”
“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？”
“她是个卖糖果的。”

Drunk

One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk."
"But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"

醉酒

一天，父亲与小儿子一道回家。这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄，老是有提不完的问题。他向父亲发问道：“爸爸，‘醉’字是什么意思？” “唔，孩子，”父亲回答说，“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成了四个，那么我就算醉了。” “可是，爸爸， ”孩子说，“那儿只有一个警察呀！”

E. 求英文幽默小故事 少一点 越少越好 带中文翻译

1 理所当然
Taken for Granted
THE SCHOOL HEALTH FORMS had been distributed to the students with an error---the word "Sex" had been spelled with an "o". One mother, filling out the form for her son, wrote in the blank next to "Sox": "Usually brown."
某学校发给学生的健康调查表里有个错别字——把“性别”的“性”字写成了“袜”字。一位母亲在为她的儿子填写表格时，在“袜别”的那栏填上了：“棕色为主。”
[注] 英语 中sex（性）与sox（袜）只有一个字母之差。
2 一只小猫
Mrs Brown went to visit one of her friend and carried a small box with holes punched in the top.
" What\'s in your box?" asked the friend.
"A cat," answered Mrs Brown. "You see I\'ve been dreaming about mice at night and I\'m so scared! This cat is to catch them."
"But the mice are only imaginary," said the friend.
"So is the cat," whispered Mrs Brown.
布朗夫人去拜访一位朋友，她拿着一个顶部扎满了小眼儿的盒子。 “盒子里装的是什么？”朋友问道。 “一只小猫，” 布朗夫人回答说，“你知道我晚上睡觉总梦见老鼠，我非常害怕。这只猫可以抓住那些老鼠。” “可老鼠都是假想的呀。”朋友说。 “小猫也是假想的。” 布朗夫人小声说道。
3 约会
When the young waitress in the café in Tom's building started waving hello everyday. Tom was flattered, for she was at least 15 years younger than he. One day she waved and beckoned to Tom again. When Tom strolled over, she asked, "Are you single?"
"Why, yes," Tom replied, smiling at her broadly.
"So is my mom," she said. "Would you like to meet her?"
在汤姆工作的大楼里有一个咖啡屋，那儿总有一位小姐每天都和他打招呼。汤姆有些受宠若惊，因为这位小姐看上去至少比他年轻15岁。一天她又对汤姆招手并示意汤姆过去。于是汤姆走了过去。她问道，“您现在是单身吗？” “对，是单身，”汤姆满脸堆笑的说。 “我母亲也是，”她说，“您愿不愿意见见她？”

F. ”幽默故事”的英语翻译

humorous story就是指故事了
skit 一般是演出, 比如赵本山的短剧.

G. 大学生3分钟英语搞笑故事带翻译

The Policeman and the Thief
Once, a new policeman caught a thief in a small town, and decided to bring him back to the police station in the city. On their way they came to a shop where bread was sold. “ We have no food, and we must be hungry after a while. Let me go into the shop and buy some bread for us. Wait here for me.” The thief said.
The policeman agreed with him and waited in the street for a long time , but thief didn’t come out of the shop. The policeman began to be worried ,and ran into the shop, he couldn’t see the thief but the back door of the shop.
The policeman had to go back to the police station alone, and he was very unhappy.
Luckily, the policeman caught the thief at the same place the next day. When.they walked though the same street and the same shop, “ Wait here,” said the policeman “ Last time you ran away from the shop. This time , I’ll go into the shop and buy the bread , and you must wait here for me.”

警察与小偷
一次， 一个新上任的警察在小镇上抓住了一个小偷，他决定把这小偷押送到城里警察局去。在路上，他们路过了一家面包店。“我们没带吃的，呆会儿肯定会饿的，让我去给咱们买点面包。你在这等等我啊。”小偷说道。
警察同意了，并在街上等了很长一段时间，但是，小偷一直没有从商店出来。警察开始担心了，他跑进商店，除了一扇开着的后门，他什么也没看见。
警察不得不很郁闷的独自回到了警察局。
幸运的是第二天，他在同一地方又抓住了那小偷。当他们路过同一条街，同一家商店时，“在这等着我，”警察说道，“上次，你从这家商店溜了，这次，我去买面包，你必须在这等我！”

H. 急需一篇带翻译的超搞笑的英语幽默小故事

A
drunk
phoned
police
to
report
that
thieves
had
been
in
his
car.
"They've
stolen
the
dashboard,
the
steering
wheel,
even
the
brake
pedal!"
he
cried
out.
However,
before
the
police
investigation
could
start,
the
phone
rang
a
second
time
"Never
mind,"
the
drunk
said
with
a
hiccup,
"I
got
in
the
back
seat
by
mistake."
一个醉汉打电话给警察局，报告小偷光顾了他的车，“他们偷走了仪表盘、方向盘，甚至连刹车脚板都偷走了。”
然而在警察还没有开始调查时，电话又一次响了起来，“没事了”，醉汉打着嗝说，“我不小心坐到了后坐上。”
I'm
Trying
to
Stop
It
"Boy,
why
have
you
got
cotton-wool
in
your
ear?
Is
it
infected?"
“孩子，你为什么用棉花塞住耳朵？它感染了吗？”
"No,
sir,
but
you
said
yesterday
that
everything
you
told
me
went
in
one
ear
and
out
the
other,
so
I
am
trying
to
stop
it."
“没有，老师。可是你昨天说你告诉我的知识都是一个耳朵里进，一个耳朵里出，所以我要把它堵在里面。” I
work
for
7up"!
我可是在七喜公司工作呀
Four
best
friends
met
at
the
hospital
since
their
wives
were
giving
births
to
their
babies.
The
nurse
comes
up
to
the
first
man
and
says,
"Congratulations,
you
got
twins."
The
man
said
"How
strange,
I'm
the
manager
of
Minnesota
Twins."
After
awhile
the
nurse
comes
up
to
the
second
man
and
says,
"Congratulations,
you
got
triplets."
Man
was
like
"Hmmm,
strange
I
worked
as
a
director
for
the
"3
musketeers."
Finally,
the
nurse
comes
up
to
the
third
man
and
says
"Congratulations,
you
got
twins
x2."
Man
is
happy
and
says,
"Ironic,
I
work
for
the
hotel
"4
Seasons."
All
three
of
them
are
happy
until
they
see
their
last
buddy
jumping
all
over
the
place,
cursing
God
and
banging
his
head
on
the
wall.
They
asked
him
what's
wrong
and
he
answered,
"What's
wrong?
I
work
for
7up"!
四个好朋友在医院里碰面了,他们的妻子正在生产.护士过来对第一个男人说:"恭喜,你得了双胞胎."男人说:"多奇怪呀,我是明尼苏达双子队的经理."过了一会儿,护士过来对第二个男人说:"恭喜,你得了三胞胎."男人很喜欢:"嗯,又巧了.我是3M公司的董事."最后,护士跑来对第三个男人说:"恭喜,你得了2对双胞胎."男人很开心地说:"真令人啼笑皆非,我为四季宾馆工作."他们三个都很高兴,但第四个伙伴急得像热锅上的蚂蚁,咒骂上帝并用头撞墙.他们问他有什么不对劲,他回答道:"什么不对劲?我可是在七喜公司工作呀!"